Tidings of Comfort & Joy?

Facing the Holidays after bereavement...

When you’re grieving the death of a family member or friend, you may dread the holiday season from Thanksgiving through New Year’s. Thoughts of social gatherings, family traditions, and obligations leave you anxious and overwhelmed. Your sadness can seem unbearable. You may wish you could skip these next two months and go straight to the routine of the next year—but you can’t. What can you do to lessen your stress and loneliness?

Holidays trigger tough emotions

You can start by learning what emotions are normal and to be expected when facing the holidays without your loved one. “If you’re feeling overwhelmed as this holiday season approaches, that’s very normal,” advised psychologist Dr. Susan Zonnebelt-Smeenge, whose husband died. “You’re probably wondering how you’re going to handle this and are unsure of what course to take. I want to assure you that you can get through these holidays, and hopefully you can even find moments of joy.”

When you know what to expect, you won’t be rendered helpless as holiday events trigger unexpected emotions. Make a point to spend time talking with people who have experienced a past loss and have already been through a holiday season without their loved one. They can help you have an idea of typical emotions and emotional triggers to expect. These people can also provide much-needed comfort and support.

Creating a holiday plan will help

Another important step in surviving the holidays is to create a healthy plan for the coming season. “Planning does help you to have a little control, even when you feel totally out of control,” said Dr. Zonnebelt-Smeenge. A healthy plan involves making decisions in advance about traditions, meals, time spent with others, holiday decorating, gift-giving, and commitments.

You will likely not have the energy or the interest in doing as much as you have in past years. Decide ahead of time which invitations you’ll accept, and let the host or family member know that you might leave early. Consider whether your decorating will be different this year: perhaps a smaller tree or simpler ornaments. If you cook or bake, cut back.

Make a list of every holiday tradition you can think of, from music to presents to outings. Then decide which traditions will be too difficult without your deceased loved one, which traditions you’d like to maintain, and what new traditions you can start this year.

Communicating with family and friends

What’s also helpful in facing the holidays is to communicate your specific concerns and needs with your family and friends. People in grief are often tempted to put on a mask and pretend things are fine, especially over the holidays. “I didn’t want to put on a damper on anyone else’s joy,” shared Mardie. “So I put on a happy face and tried to be the sister, the daughter, the aunt, that everybody wanted to see. Putting on that happy face was a heavier burden than I was emotionally able to carry at the time.”

Your friends may want you to “cheer up” and “have fun,” when that’s the last thing you want. Others will avoid you because they don’t know what to say and don’t want to make you feel worse. Some family members will give you wrong advice in a misguided attempt to help. All of these people likely mean well, but will only end up hurting you if you don’t communicate what you truly need from them.

As difficult as this may be, it’s important to tell people what they can do to help and what they are doing that isn’t helping. And if you don’t have the energy or inclination to talk to people face-to-face, then write your thoughts, concerns, and needs in a letter or email. What’s important is that you are being honest and gracious in your communication.

In describing the first holiday dinner after she was widowed, Dr. Zonnebelt-Smeenge said, “It seemed like no one wanted to talk about my husband. I kept waiting for somebody to bring up [his name]. After a while I couldn’t stand it anymore. I excused myself and left and bawled all the way home. Later I decided maybe they were waiting for me to decide if it was okay to talk about him; maybe they were afraid if they said anything, they’d make me feel worse. From that time on when I went to an event, I found a way to let people know I wanted to talk about him and I wanted to hear their stories.”

So where can you find out what emotions to expect over the holidays, how to create a healthy plan and how to communicate with family and friends these coming weeks?

“Surviving the Holidays” seminar on Saturday, November 11, 2017.

A GriefShare Surviving the Holidays seminar, held Saturday, November 11, 2017 at First Alliance Church in Toccoa, GA (located at 220 Alliance Drive across from Wal-Mart) from 9:30-11:30 am, offers practical, actionable strategies for making it through the holiday season. At this two-hour seminar, you’ll view a video featuring advice from people in grief who’ve faced the holidays after their loss. You’ll hear insights from respected Christian counselors, pastors, and psychologists. You’ll receive a Holiday Survival Guide with practical strategies, encouraging words, helpful exercises, Q/As, and journaling ideas for daily survival through the holiday season

At GriefShare Surviving the Holidays, you’ll enjoy a holiday brunch as you meet with other grieving people who have an understanding of what you’re going through. They won’t judge you or force you to share, but will accept you where you are and will offer comfort and support. “When I went to GriefShare,” said Marion, “I realized there are different ways to grieve.”

Your holiday season won’t be easy; your emotions may ambush you and suck you under at times. But you can choose to walk through this season in a way that honors your loved one and puts you on the path of health and healing.

To register or find out more about GriefShare Surviving the Holidays, visit www.toccoagriefshare.com or contact First Alliance Church at 706-886-5948 or office@firstalliancetoccoa.com.

Provide Spiritual Nourishment in Toccoa

An opportunity to engage the world...

In Toccoa, there are two great facilities for folks as they enter the later years of life. One is the Wilkinson Center, a 40 unit retirement living facility that provides each resident with their own living space without the normal hassles of home ownership, and the other is the Clary Care Center, a 42 bed assisted living facility for those with physical limitations or that need a little extra help. Both are located next to Stephens County Hospital and Toccoa Falls College.

First Alliance has been given the opportunity to be part of providing spiritual discipleship and teaching as part of the schedule of activities at both facilities. Even though the residents find themselves in a different living situation, it doesn't mean that connecting to Christ, growing with others, and engaging the world isn't still vital. 

There are two ways that you can serve our community.

  1. Be part of a rotation that provides a simple worship service on Sundays at the Clary Care Center. The service can be anywhere from 30-60 minutes and can include a 15-20 lesson, singing, prayer for one another and for the nations, and/or times of testimony. There are opportunities on the first and third Sunday of the month, and the service can be at either 10am or 2pm.

    This is a great opportunity for an individual, family, friends, or Discipling Community to do together. There's no need to be a pastor; just have a willingness to share Jesus and the Word of God with the residents. 

    You don't have to do it every time. In fact, it would be great to build a schedule so many can participate a few times each year. If you have questions, contact Pastor Chris, or if you are interested in taking a few turns, complete the form below as a first step.
     
  2. Lead a weekly Bible Study at the Wilkinson Center. On a particular day of the week, preferably after lunch around 2pm, head over to the Wilkinson Center, gather with a group of residents, and facilitate time in the Word of God. You could start a Discipling Community right there for residents.

    Spend time weekly connecting to Christ through Bible Study, simple acts of worship, and prayer. Grow with others by sharing with one another, praying for one another, and spending time together. Engage the World through prayer for our community, people far from God, and for the unreached people of the world to experience Jesus' love firsthand. Not only would you encourage the residents, but you would probably be just as encouraged from the time spent together.

    If you have questions, contact Pastor Chris, or if you are interested in this ministry opportunity, go ahead and complete the form below as a first step.

Continued contact with other believers and time in God's Word is a great encouragement to people, especially when life is changing rapidly. Can you be part of facilitating these opportunities? Complete the form below so we can get things going.